Visibility in Disabilities: Disabilities Are Actually Superpowers

Introduction

I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and word retrieval difficulty around the age of six when I was in Kindergarten. I had an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) throughout Elementary, Middle, and High school and undergraduate studies. For my Master’s degree, I chose an online University that offered numerous disability-friendly resources so that I did not have to ask for additional accommodations in my IEP. 

My Disabilities

I have dyslexia which means I struggle with reading, writing, and spelling, which falls into the category of Specific Learning Disability. “Dyslexia is highly prevalent affecting 20% of the population” (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Similar to my other disabilities, dyslexia is an invisible disability which means you cannot tell a person has it just by looking at them. “Dyslexia is a learning disability that makes it difficult to read, write, and spell despite normal intelligence and adequate instruction. The brain cannot process information received from the eyes or ears into understandable language” (Dyslexia Reading Connection, 2023).  Growing up, I thought I was one of the only people who struggled with reading. I assumed reading was easy for all other students and adults. It was not until I was in graduate school that I learned, “An estimated five to 15% of school-age children struggle with a learning disability. An estimated 80% of those with learning disorders have an impairment in reading in particular (commonly referred to as dyslexia)” (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). My particular type of dyslexia makes reading for long periods of time, difficult. When I stare at a white paper with black text for too long, the colors will reverse. Meaning eventually the words will appear white, and the paper will appear black. Once this happens, I know it is time to take a brain break. 

Another one of my disabilities is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). “Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or be overly active” (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023). My ADHD causes me to have a short attention span, most of the time. Moving actually helps me focus for longer periods of time. This factor is why it is important to remember that the person who is constantly moving or playing with a fidget at school or in a meeting might be consuming and storing more information than a person sitting completely still and calm in their chair. While in elementary school, if I was sitting still and looking at the teacher, it usually meant I was zoned out, thinking about 100 different things, and I had no idea what she was saying. During those times, the leaves on the trees, squirrels, a kid in another row, or whatever, would gather my attention more than what was being said or done by the teacher.

My other disability is word retrieval difficulty, which is a difficulty with words. “A ‘word retrieval difficulty’ or ‘word finding problem’ is when a person knows and understands a particular word, but has difficulty retrieving it and using it in their speech. This is similar to when we feel that a word (for example a name) is on the tip of our tongue” (RCHM, 2023). Sometimes I cannot find the word at all, and other times I find a word that sounds similar or has the same meaning. This is something that happens to many people but is an occasional thing. For me, not being able to find the word is a problem I deal with multiple times a day or sometimes multiple times in an hour. I believe the frequency with which it happens is different for all people. “Children may not be able to find the word at all, they might retrieve a word that sounds similar to the one they want or they might produce nonsense words (neologisms)” (RCHM, 202). An example was when we were going to a very important awards show and I was afraid we would be late. When we approached the stadium, I saw some people leaving. I was looking for a word to convey my fear to my grandfather and said, “We are late–see the people coming out of the Outrance” (taking from the word entrance) because I could not find the word Exit in my repertoire of vocabulary at the time.

My Experiences

Throughout the past 22 years of being diagnosed and aware of my disabilities, I learned about many resources, read articles, and discovered the fidgets and techniques that are most helpful to me. I have spent countless hours doing research and found tips, tricks, and resources that were written by people who do not have the disabilities of the people they are trying to help. In this blog, I will be sharing all of the best resources, websites, articles, and everything that has helped me turn my disabilities from something I was embarrassed about to what I view as my superpowers! I want to start by saying it was a long journey to get to the place I am now with my disabilities. I am in a place where I value and appreciate my disabilities, and I am no longer afraid to tell people I have disabilities. However, I feel it is important to share some of my negative or embarrassing moments I have experienced and how I turned them into love for myself.

Growing up, I was exceedingly embarrassed about my disabilities and sometimes ridiculed for them. In middle school, I was in a Special Education pull-out classroom for reading. I vividly remember that the classrooms would have bright, fun, flashy decorations on the door, advertising that it was a “Sped” class. All the students knew what that meant and would say that was the classroom for the “slow” or “stupid” kids. I loved the teacher, students, and classroom, but I dreaded walking into that classroom every day and hoped nobody would see me walking in. In high school, one of my IEP accommodations was extra time on tests and taking the tests in an alternative, quiet environment. I loved being able to take my tests in a different area but loathed that I would have to report to the classroom, get the test from the teacher, and have everybody stare at me as I waited for them to write me a hall pass, and then walk out of the room. Do not get me started on how my entire body would turn red, my palms would get sweaty, and my heart would race whenever I was chosen to read aloud in class. I would try to read as fast as I could (which was not very fast at all), and I would hope I would know all of the words and not have to sound any of them out. While I was reading, I would hear kids mumbling under their breath, “Ugh, she reads so slow,” “Hurry up,” and “She’s stupid”.

I share these experiences to spread awareness about invisible disabilities and inform people that they are not alone in their struggles. I also share my experiences to express that I wholeheartedly understand what it’s like to be embarrassed about and by my disabilities. However, I have learned to love and appreciate them more and more as time goes on. One of the biggest reasons I love my disabilities is because it helps me in my teaching career. I am a Pre-K teacher for students with autism. I can relate and connect with them on a deeper level because I fully understand how difficult learning can be at times. I am there to support and comfort them on difficult days in part because of what I have come to realize through my graduate studies at American College of Education. I know exactly the person they need, and I wish I had at school with me during the aforementioned stories. I am also a toolkit of knowledge, resources, and fidgets for my student's variety of needs.